Managing and Surviving Conflict in Recreation Clubs and Groups
By Del Albright, Sustainable Motorized Recreation Advocate
We can fight it, try to ignore it, or learn to deal with it effectively, but conflict is inevitable in outdoor recreation. Club members disagree; users butt heads on trails; large organized groups don’t like what another group is doing, or turf battles have been going on for years. It is just human nature that we will not always agree with each other, and sometimes, this results in conflicting actions and ideas. I’d like to offer some ideas for dealing with conflict in recreation and making your life easier while saving our favorite forms of recreation.
Conflict
is unavoidable
At some point
in your busy life, you will run into conflict with another person. It’s
life. Whenever we share opinions or ideas, conflict is bound to surface.
People just plain disagree on many things, especially when it comes to
something we are passionate about. If your opinion is different than mine, then
we might just be in conflict.
Conflict
is a part of recreation.
Just like it
is life and relationships, sometimes we just cannot avoid conflict. I am going
to suggest ways to embrace it and make it useful. It might surface its
ugly head at a trail intersection. Or maybe during a meeting about the
color of a T-shirt. Or who knows? It is like a snake in the grass;
you never know when it might strike.
Conflict
is not always bad.
It just is.
How you react to it gives it a flavor of good or bad.
As you read
these tips, remember that much of what I suggest here involves you
having the power to choose how you react to things and not allowing
someone to dictate your happiness or peace of mind.
“Choose” and
“allow” are two of the most powerful words in the dictionary. For example, you
might hear me say, “I choose not to get caught up in your garbage. And I am not
going to allow you to ruin my day.” Unfortunately, the policeman I tried this
on didn’t think it was funny! (just kidding). But you have the choice as to how
you react to something in your life. Do not let someone else tell you how
you feel or how you should react. You choose. You allow right there,
and that starts reducing the opportunities for conflict.
Conflict
can be viewed as powerful.
It means
people are sharing ideas and opinions that don’t agree. It means new doors are
being opened, and new opportunities are being presented. It also might mean a
few sleepless nights for you if you don’t take some steps to harness the power
of conflict.
Now, I’m not
suggesting that all conflict is “good.” Conflict can twist up our guts, cut
into our sleep, and make our faces turn pretty darn red from frustration. But
that is not what any of us want. Let me share with you some tips for dealing
with conflict and turning it into something useful.
Make things happen in your club.
The 7
Master Secrets
→One, accept the fact that when people share opinions,
there’s bound to be differences (conflict). Heck, there’s no way we could all
think alike, or we’d still be carrying clubs and living in caves. Recognize
that conflict is natural and use it as a learning experience. I compare
conflict to fear — we will always have some of both to deal with; it’s all in
how we allow ourselves to react.
→Two, try to stay objective and clearly express your
expectations (or ideas). Clear communication is essential to avoiding
unnecessary conflict. There’s no use getting your knickers in an uproar over
something you really didn’t mean. So make sure what your listener is hearing is
what you meant to say.
→ Third, never lose sight of your objective
and try to maintain the “high ground,” as they say in the military (and
politics). During political conflict (meetings, hearings, conventions, etc.),
take notes like an attorney. Get your key points jotted down for your “come
back,” and stick with them. Make your points over and over again, if needed,
until the listener clearly hears your ideas (or rebuttals).
Further,
don’t get caught up in emotions. When you feel like you’re about to explode,
back off, take a breath, and tackle the conflict head-on, but with as much
objectivity as you can muster. Break out your notes (like the attorney busily
jotting things down during a court proceeding), and review your key points.
→Fourth, look for the root of the problem
(conflict). If it’s purely a political agenda with no real foundation other
than making a show, well, then you may have to accept the fact that all the
logic in the world won’t sway that. In this case, the conflict is phony and
attention-gathering. Call it for what it is.
→Five, assuming the conflict is real, try to agree to some
ground rules during the conflict resolution process. For example, suppose two
people who know each other are arguing. In that case, it might be good to agree
that both will avoid each other’s well-known “hot buttons” that merely escalate
the emotional intensity of the argument. Agree to that upfront. Agree to a fair
fight, if you will.
Dealing with conflict is no picnic, but it must be done and can be easier than you think if you follow these secrets.
→Six, trust your instincts and the instincts of people you
respect. If your instincts tell you to hang in the fight (conflict), then hang!
If that little voice in your head says, “If I give up now, then I will lose
much more in the long run,” then don’t give up.
→Seven, in recreation, there is that reality,
just like in politics, when nothing makes sense, and there is no real answer
because there is no real question. That’s when we need to stay very focused and
tuned into your message (bullet points, 5×7 cards, notes, etc.). Don’t spend
time wondering why someone would dress up like a coyote and wander down the
dusty streets of some Texas cow town in front of the Longhorn Saloon on
Saturday night, trying to make some sort of political statement! If your
conflict involves this type of showmanship, then realize your logic will
probably not change anything. Just move on.
In the
leadership training I offer, I emphasize the importance of taking notes and writing down your message on 5×7 cards or whatever works for you. Public speaking and dealing with conflict benefit from having our key points right in front of us. If you find yourself at a loss for words, you can simply refer back to your key points (notes,
expectations, and ideas). It works!
Summary
Conflict is
not always bad, and sometimes it is unavoidable. Learn to trust your instincts
and do not run from them. Conflict can help us grow or improve a club. Be
clear as to your objectives, and keep your key points handy. When engaged in
showmanship conflict, you may get to the point of succumbing to tactics
you don’t ordinarily like, then realize that you have changed the game and the
ground rules. You may also have given up some of your high ground. I’m reminded
of what my Mom used to tell me, “Just because Johnny does it doesn’t mean you
get to do it.” Oh, by the way, in those days, Johnny was sticking his head in a
bag of airplane glue, and I’m sure glad I listened to my mother. 🙂
Solve conflict!
Conflict can
keep us on the fence; if we do not solve it, we will be suspended from the
action. If you can recognize conflict for what it’s worth and learn to harness its
power, you will find many new doors open to you. Opportunities will surface
that you may not have seen before. And hopefully, by employing the tips
presented here, you’ll not lose any more sleep.
HELPFUL LINKS:
DEL'S BOOKS (CONFLICT MANAGEMENT, LAND USE, WILDFIRE, DEATH VALLEY, COWBOY POETRY, AND MORE)
WEBSITE (HOME PAGE)
PINTEREST (BOOKS, ARTICLES, AND MORE)
DEL'S ARTICLES (LAND USE, LIFE, WILDFIRE, VOLUNTEERISM, AND MORE)
More land use and volunteerism help here:
- MEETINGS:
- RUN A BETTER MEETING
- NEPA:
- LEARN MORE ABOUT NEPA
- LETTERS:
- WRITE A LETTER
- SPEECHES:
- GIVE A SPEECH
- FACILITATE:
- LEARN TO FACILITATE MEETINGS
- CLUBS:
- WHY JOIN A CLUB
- CONVOYS:
- ORGANIZE A CONVOY
- JOIN:
- JOIN THE RIGHT GROUPS
- TRAINING:
- GET VOLUNTEER TRAINING
- LEAD:
- LEAD VOLUNTEERS
- JOBS:
- CHOOSE THE RIGHT JOB FOR YOU
